


my dearest

by yatoisnotyato



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Eiji - Freeform, Letter, M/M, RIP, Sad, Sad sad sad, ash lynx - Freeform, banana fish - Freeform, banana fucking fish, big sad, i was crying, idk - Freeform, im new, upset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:06:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27761215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yatoisnotyato/pseuds/yatoisnotyato
Summary: in which eiji writes ash a love letter.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	my dearest

my dearest,

god knows how many times i’ve written you a love letter.

with its scribbles and mistakes that i crossed over, there’s too much i wanted to tell you that can never fit these pages.

i know i said “i love you” to you without ever leaving my mouth. in a way that i look after you, ready to catch you when someone pushes you off the edge. in a way that you found comfort in my arms when your nightmares have come to haunt you. in a way that i will always be here, no matter what.

and i know you said it back with blood on your hands just to keep me breathing in a world that’s out to get us.

it’s been years, aslan.

years since god answered your prayers. you said you’d give him your life just to keep me safe. i can imagine seeing you on your knees, with your pride on the floor and your lips shaking while tears fill your eyes.

the thing is, i’d beg him to take me too if it means keeping you around.

my mornings and midnights started to feel senseless without you. sleeping became a sin and an escape at the same time.

falling into slumber with the thoughts of you and what we could’ve been in japan feels wrong to me. how could i sleep knowing that you’re not there anymore?

but it felt like an escape because maybe i’d get to see you in my dreams. maybe i’d get to hold your hand this time.

aslan, i know you don’t want to see me like this. i’m sorry i can’t help it.

out of everything that happened in new york, you were my favorite destination. and you will always be my favorite, aslan.

how strange that i was in a foreign place with unfamiliar faces but you, aslan — you felt like home to me.

this has got to be a hundredth letter i wrote, or a thousandth maybe. it’s quite silly of me, like you’ll ever read it.

your photographs are still here with me. a piece of you that’s still with me, a proof that you’re real and we existed together and that it wasn’t all just a silly dream.

and i know that the last time your eyes slowly closed, with a soft smile playing on your lips, a piece of me — the first and last letter i wrote that you read— was with you.

aslan, i’m starting to feel tired now.

but i’ll write more of these letters to you. i can’t say goodbye to you yet.

because i know i’ll be with you again.

– eiji okumura

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time i usually dump shit in my tumblr drafts sorry 4 the mistkakes im iliterate


End file.
